In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize