if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
