I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
