She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
