I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pants are for mortals
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
