Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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