my mouth tastes like poor choices
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
