My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
