I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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