Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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