i think my mom watched the whole time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
