You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize