He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
