He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
