whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
