It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
