As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
