please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize