If i come over, it means nothing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was confusing and full of hummus
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
