Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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