new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is her dick bigger than yours?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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