They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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