I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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