Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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