Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
