Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize