Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
