i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
