he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
