you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize