WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
