This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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