it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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