Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
