So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
