i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
