I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize