So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
