I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
