I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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