I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
