I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
