Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
