Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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