you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
