Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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