I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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