If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
