I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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