think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
