I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
