the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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