so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
