Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
