Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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