all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
