you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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