It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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