I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I believe in your delicious
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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