I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
