I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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