i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
