Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
