i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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