I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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