If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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