Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
