You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found puke in my bra..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
