Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
