Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
