she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
