He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
