She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
