Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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