I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
