Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
