So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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