i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
