JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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