okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
