Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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